I wish I knew

From the inter net. Somebody's link list starts out like this:

sites that are cooler than mine
funny people who write/i read/i either know or wish i did:

Somebody else's online journal says something like this:

i've got a crush
On those coffee shop boys. Why is it that nearly everyone who serves coffee seems attractive? I guess they have this whole spirit to them that makes it seem like they would be good to sleep with. It has gotten so bad. The other day i thought this guy was really hot. then i realized i only thought so because he served coffee. In reality, he was kinda doofy looking. I think this applies to artists as well, and anyone who can write. They have an edge.

But they actually have to be good at it. Like jim woodring. I would do jim woodring any day. I don't care what he looks like. Jim! Jim, baby! Or Tom Wolfe. Although I'm not so fond of A Man in Full anymore, I might do it just out of nostalgia. Of course it's different when you're actually good-looking. At that point, my soul is basically sold downriver.

From before the inter net:

books that are cooler than mine
In the beginning of the last chapter, I inform you exactly when I was born; but I did not inform you, how. No; that particular was reserved entirely for a chapter by itself; besides, Sir, as you and I are in a manner perfect strangers to each other, it would not have been proper to have let you into too many circumstances relating to myself all at once. you must have a little patience. I have undertaken, you see, to write not only my knowledge of my character, and of what kind of a mortal I am, by the one, would give you a better relish for the other: As you proceed further with me, the slight acquaintance which is now beginning betwixt us, will grow into familiarity; and that, unless one of us is at fault, will terminate in friendship. O diem praeclarum!* then nothing which has touched me will be thought trifling in its nature, or tedious in its telling. Therefore, my dear friend and companion, if you should think me somewhat sparing of my narrative on my first setting out, bear with me, and let me go on, and tell my story my own way: or if I should seem now and then to trifle upon the road, or should sometimes put on a fool's cap with a bell to it, for a moment or two as we pass along, don't fly off, but rather courteously give me credit for a little more wisdom than appears on my outside; and as we jogg on, either laugh with me, or at me, or in short, do anything, only keep your temper.

- Laurence Sterne, Tristam Shandy

books that were cooler than mine
What really knocks me out is a book, when you're all done reading it, you wished the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it.

- J.D. Salinger, Catchup On Rye