Dear The Battle Royale,


I am very sorry you received all those letters from John Longo. I am his parole officer. He has a tendency to get very fixated on things and sometimes gets a bit carried away. He means no harm I want to assure you. He has not killed anyone in over six years now, and he has for the most part been very compliant with the requirements of his parole agreement. I have already spoken to him about this incident, and I want to assure you he will not be writing you again. I sincerely apologize for any trouble he has caused. By the way, I happened to see your video on YouTube when a friend sent me the link the other day. Fantastic. You guys did a great job. I was wondering, though, do you think there’s any chance I could get a hold of that tape deck you have in the beginning of it. That would really be great.


Kindly Yours,

John Officer Joe Longo