Stupid Internet Humor

the email virus
stupid email pranks
free email accounts?
most romantic concept of all time
pubic bone
polo anyone?

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How Decent of You

now normally, i'm not in the business of making fun of internet geek life. there are several good reasons for not doing this. one, i must not risk alienating 50% of my fan base, that is, people who spend so much time surfing that they're bound to spend time on my site. and two, making fun of this is like making fun of grass or pavement. it's like, yeah, it's there. and besides, we wouldn't want to deprive Jay Leno of his material. third, and this is really sort of a half-cousin of two, i just don't care that much. but anyway, i saw this here and well, here:

Finally released:
Margot by Dalinise.
Margot is a young beauty for V2.
She has 2 different faces and 2 body textures.*
Check her out at the galleries! *

* That's right. 2 body textures!!! We're not kidding!

Someone I know sent me this, and now I share it with you, because web space is limitless
> This is a multi-part message in MIME format.
> ———=_NextPart_000_006F_01C2DAA1.6487B3C0
> Content-Type: text/plain;
> charset="iso-8859-1"
> Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Does this crack you up? It used to make me laugh, because I'm sitting here
thinking, oh, good, a multi-part message in MIME format, like, now that
I've gotten this message I can just sit back, and a bunch of MIMES will
come and act out all the parts of whatever it is that you were trying to
say in your message. The rest of the stuff isn't that funny, though.

People and Opinions That Matter
Your Favorite People list is a group of other shoppers, friends, and favorite reviewers that you like and trust. If one of those people has created an About You area, or if you know that person's e-mail address, add him or her to your Favorite People list. Then, whenever one of your Favorite People writes a review, or comes up with an interesting recommendation, we'll put it on your customized Friends & Favorite home page. That way, you can keep track of people and opinions that matter.

The reviews you write say a lot about the person you are. That's why each time you write a product review at, it'll also be featured here on your About You area. And also why we have about a jillion cookies ready to seize upon this information and sell it to various marketers. Thank you for contributing to

Note: By saving this review, you attest that you are at least 13 years of age. If you are under 13, please use our Kid’s review forum

From A Review of Monitors on ZDNet.

The only problem we encountered was when we had the c910 sitting about two inches away from a 14-inch television. The pair was connected to a Matrox Marvel G400-TV card, and the c910 suffered some noticeable waving when the television was running. Moving them about 8-inches apart cured the problem.

Ahh, how could I forget the all important, 'what happens when I shove my television two inches away from the computer monitor' test.

I got an email from Paul with the following:
Not sure why, but i've never liked the road warrior movies. I recognize that for some people they have the same horrible greatness as Conan, but they kind of put me off. I suppose this is my problem, not yours.
This is from a guy who refers me to a link which has the following:
Harvey Newman, professor of physics at Caltech, said: "The largest high-energy experiments are already dealing with data stores approaching the petabyte range and we expect this to increase by a factor of 1,000 over the next decade."

During its research, Slac has accumulated the largest known database in the world, which grows at one terabyte per day.

For a different sort of protection, a rubber, air-bubble shock absorber is located directly beneath the hard drive to cushion it during rough landings and prevent possible data loss.

Stupid Microsoft

Dear Microsoft,

I am writing to inquire about the possibility of giving your company $100 as a token of appreciation for all they have done for me, and for the world of computing. It is my hope and firm belief that this money will be put to good use in the creation and development of new and benevolent technology. Please let me know what is the best way of transferring these funds to your company.

Yours Sincerely,
P Diddy
  • Great Moments in HTML History
    September 3, 1999, Microsoft Office 2000 replaces cumbersome   command with much more practical:
    <p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt'><![if !supportEmptyParas]><![endif]><o:p></o:p></span></p>
  • Note: This file is way too large for windows notepad, would you like to open it with microsoft wordpad instead?

  • My Greatest Fear (besides drinking salt water) is of sending an emotionally charged email to the wrong person by accident. I'll end up accusing my boss of not loving me anymore and demanding better working conditions from my girlfriend. Actually...wait. No, I'm just saying be careful with the automatic "address book" feature. Play with fire and you may get burned. Of course, my boss brang me some flowers yesterday and my girlfriend wants to know how the hell to make this joke better.

Stupid Hotmail

  • Warning: passwords are extremely case sensitive.

  • Logging into Hotmail
    Hotmail Daemon: 1 person wants to exchange instant messages with you—download MSN Messenger

    Me: Well, let me know when the number gets to about 6.
  • And how do you make your Hotmail account send those automatic replies like when people are away from the office. I would make mine send this every time.
    This is an automated reply.
    I am currently away from civilization and will respond to your email as soon as I return.
    Thank you for your perspective.
    This really was an automated reply.
  • A New Look for Hotmail! To improve the Hotmail sign-in experience, we have updated this page with a new design.

Stupid Amazon

*** Why no voting buttons? We don't let customers vote on their own reviews, so the voting buttons appear only when you look at reviews submitted by others.***

Stupid Dragon Nat Speaking
“It helps to think through what you're going to say before you say it.” — the Dragon Naturally Speaking Tutorial

My first attempt at dictation (please believe me, this is real):
Penny is the stuff snafu driven in a symposium with a dinner sent a subpoenaing can a time of synthetic off the case shows up some Mountain got honey to Visa money to produce target of Illinois over to Mountain woman noted today a callback of my son dominated over heels and
Right about now, I’m thinking this was definitely $70 well-spent.

Stupid Mailing List Provider
  • You can have your newsletter delivered when your subscribers will most likely be checking their e-mail. For example: during lunch break, in the evening, on Sunday afternoon. A well chosen delivery time will increase the chance that your subscribers open your newsletter!

Museum Of Failure To Transmit

The following are all real messages I have receieved either online or on email from various providers and other corporate entities. Only the names have been changed, to protect me. The text has been removed from its original context in order to preserve ambiguity.
ERROR: The address "" does not exist. This mail has not been sent.

Hi. This is the qmail-send program. I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following addresses. This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out.

A message that you sent could not possibly have been delivered to one or more of its recipients.

Cannot load the media you have selected. Perhaps you are not in enough with the network.

Dear Cold,
You have chosen to transfer domain "". To complete the transfer, you need to contact your Domain registrar and have the DNS information changed; otherwise your site will
never be available online.

We are currently experiencing slowness. Engineers are working on the problem. We will send you an update on the progress throughout the day, but you probably won’t receive it.

We’re sorry, but the account entered could not be located on this server. Please make sure that you are using the correct URL. Please do not be afraid to contact Yahoo Customer Care for further information.

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The Last Page(s) On The Internet

Here is a list of sites, which are clearly, the last page on the internet. The overriding theme on all of these highly original, witty and oft' hilarious pages is the importance of seizing life, going outside or something like that. These people really are a breth of fresh air on an otherwise dull internet. I wish I could meet each and every one of them every day, outside.

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