Short Rants



10 Disc CD Changers
Why the hell does anyone need a 10 disc changer? People are so lazy. My 5 disc changer works just fine.

The Egg Rant
Why the hell do we need twelve different types of eggs at the grocery store? What if we decrease the number to just, say, six and meanwhile increase the number of local phone carriers to, say, two. We could have six different types of eggs and two local phone carriers. [
Rebuttal]

Saturday Night Live Rant
I hate to, like, be obvious or anything, but am I the only one who finds something wrong with a show being called 'Saturday Night Liveí not actually being live? I mean. What?

Billboards
As if there arenít enough driving distractions already, billboards are now officially out of control. I woke up one morning, and they had gone from R-rated to NC-17. Excuse me, but if I have to choose between looking at the back of someoneís beat up old Ford Explorer or some sixty foot wide cleavage, well that isnít really much of a choice is it? Look, Iím all for sex on T.V., but this is dange-4-us.




Spell Checker Fallout
Television helped us forget how to read. Email gave us the ancient art of letter writing. And now, spell checker not only spots, but has the authority to fix your spelling automatically. Is it seperate or separate? Hell, I wouldnít know.

The Damn Sticker
Why do they still make you put the sticker on the blank video tape yourself? Itís like theyíre trying to give you a choice in the matter. But what the hell else would you want to put on there? Or maybe itís in case you decide not to use the video tape, and this way, you will have the sticker for something else, more important? And why do they only give you one side sticker, but two top ones? Who needs a frigging top one?

Emotional Intelligence
"...and now that thereís 'emotional intelligence,í we have to come up with a new term for the old type of intelligence. I suggest we call it 'Intelligence Classicí or how about just 'megahertzí..."

Daily Life
I hate anyone using the phrase ‘daily life’ as in “Ö itís not the kind of thing you would use in your daily lifeÖ” What the hell does that mean? Yes, thereís my daily life, and then thereís my other life, on the planet Nebulon. [
life I] [life II]

Bit OíAnything
Yeah, thatís fucking hilarious. Please, everyone keep saying it.

The 'Now, youíre losing meí and 'You lost meí Rant
Itís just such an arrogant thing to say. If you donít see someoneís logic, why donít you say something like, "wait, Iím not following" or "I donít get it." Why should the burden be on the sayer, youíre the one whoís not getting it. Or if you donít think what theyíre saying is cool or funny anymore, then say something like "wait, Iím not sure thatís so cool or funny anymore." or even a nice, drawn out, "okayÖ" with or without a supplemental eye gesture (such as the roll, look-off, look-up or even the big eyes) can be effective. But to just say "youíre losing me" is so infinitely pompous. Somebody should slap you one time. "You lost me" is pompous in the past tense.


Your message has been instantly delivered to the following recipients via the messaging system: Thatís right. Instantly delivered unlike those "other" servers that wait around eating popcorn and watching re-runs of Friends, before, I mean, if they even bother to deliver your email.



Back     Home