Polo Anyone?


The following gems were found on the Polo Message Board.

[All messages are reprinted here without any alterations except when necessary.]

Ralph Lauren
Friday, 06-Aug-1999 12:52:55
Message: writes:

What are the web-sites or e-mail adress' to complain to Polo or Ralph Lauren?

[see replies]

Wednesday, 02-Jun-1999 09:47:20
Message: writes:

I have a used 18 inch polo saddle that I am trying to sell. It is all leather (no suede) and in good condition. It is an Argentine-made saddle, and the maker's tag says "Nietos de Casmiro Gomez S.A." made in Argentina. The billets are all in good shape with no obvious weak spots. There are some small nicks and scratches on the surface of the saddle, but nothing that affects the performance or usability of the saddle. I am asking $100 for it (plus shipping). Please contact me by email if interested. This saddle is located in Waynesville, OH.


That's right, the saddle is in Waynesville, OH. I, however, am from planet Trazar in the Cabal system. Do not attempt to reach me in Waynesville!

We assure you that this is not an encrypted message from the Chinese government regarding the attempted purchase of Triton III long range missletoe.

Follow the story

Nearside foward shot


[original message unchanged]
Young, kean and able to ride.
Tuesday, 01-Jun-1999 15:37:30
Message: writes:

Does any one need any help exersising their ponies this summer?
From July to the end of August.
Please let me know were your horses are based, and what you would be asking me to do.
But I would prefer to work for some one who is based in a private yard.
I can ride, and have been playing a bit of polo on and off for around a year now.
I have exersised last year, and i played a small amount over easter.
Contact me here, Thanks.


Meanwhile, in a galaxy far far away, this message appeared the exact same day on a Polo Chat Room in the Babar System.

[translated from Babarian]
Looking for someone to help with ponies.
Tuesday, 01-Jun-1999 15:37:31
Message: writes: Forehand Shot


Is there some one out there who can help me exercise my ponies this summer?
At this time I am not at liberty to say where my horses are based, or what I would be asking you to do.
But I can tell you it will be based in a private yard.
Can you ride? Must have at least one year of polo experience.
Must have exersised at least once during the last year, including Easter weekend.
Must have spellchecker. If interested, please contact me here, Thanks.

Drakbar the Babarian

[original message unedited]
Information on Polo
Monday, 31-May-1999 03:21:49
Message: writes:

Need some information on Polo. Name of equipment used or any technical words(jargon). Need to give names to menu items in a restaurant which has a theme of Polo. Please help!!


Oh my God. Now I know where those brilliant restaurant planners are getting their information. Whatever happened to shame? Or complete sentences for that matter? And thanks for helping me understand what the word jargon means too. In return, let me suggest some menu items for your new restaurant. Let's see…

    Tonight's Specials Include:  

  Mallet Mullet with Green Green Salad  
  Pony Burger with Fries  
  Neckshot Venison in Braided Cherry Sauce  
  Tail Shot Quail under Asparagus  

Off Side tail shot


And then, having failed to get the information he's after from his first post. He thinks he can pull a fast one over on the Polo Chat Masters.

Need a few typical polo phrases
Friday, 04-Jun-1999 23:26:07
Message: writes:
I'm writing a story and need to know a few typical phrases(jargon) you'd hear players calling out during the course of play. Any suggestions would be appreciated.


This guy just doesn't give up, does he?

Sunday, 06-Jun-1999 11:44:26
Message: writes:

I'm doing a school project on the history of polo. Knowing nothing about horses, polo, or horseshoes, I would greatly appreciate any information concerning polo history, equipment and any technical terms(jargon) as well. Thank you very much.


[original message unchanged]
Dress Like a Pro - Group or Private Polo Dress Up lessons by Jean B.
Sunday, 30-May-1999 01:01:41
Message: writes:

Contact me today and enroll in my new school of Polo Dressup Lessons.
Learn to dress like a Polo Winner every time.

Very Classy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (n/t) (30-May-1999 09:31:11)
Re: Dress UP > I sincerely hope that this is a female butt, as I have spent entirely too much time dwelling on it !! (n/t) (30-May-1999 14:18:43)
It's Chumly's butt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (n/t) (31-May-1999 04:32:08)
I think its a man - look at those arms, and those are rather unattractive knickers!!! (n/t) (31-May-1999 16:48:10)

If you think this is amusing, you should check out the
HotPad prank at Zug.

Now here's the kind of post you know won't go unanswered in the Polo Chat Room. Opinions are like ponies, everybody's got one.

[original message unchanged]
Stopping on the ball
Wednesday, 26-May-1999 11:25:05
Message: writes:

We have a green horse that has been stick and balled for a few weeks. On a couple of occasions in the last two weeks she has stopped dead from a canter when I go to hit the ball sending me straight off the front. Does anyone have any ideas how I can discourage this before it becomes a habit. Also what would cause her to do it?

[see replies]

Yeah, my wife used to do that too. Had to let her go.