"My suffering is authentic enough but it has a kind of low-grade concrete-block quality. The seven of them only add up to the equivalent of about two real men, as we know them from the films and from our childhood, when there were giants on the earth. That would be a dissappointment. One would have to content onself with the subtle falsity of color films of unhappy love affairs, made in France, with a Mozart score. That would be difficult."

— Donald Barthelme



The strike had gone on for two months and a day—
Better working conditions, more rights and more pay.
The studs were determined, come hell they would win it.
Not a film would be made with a real cock in it.
The profits were holding but not for much longer
There's just so much traction for girl on girl action.
The producers grew frantic, they had to do something
So they put out an ad on a clear channel station.
Gang bangers wanted, come one and come all
This Friday night is the big casting call.
No experience needed, just some men and some balls.

The Who's were excited. They were men. They had balls.
At a quarter past eight they rolled up on the scene
The bouncer was burly and surly and mean.
He asked for I.D.'s, "Two forms if you please
And sign this statement, you're free of disease."
The director was worse, as he paced up and down
He looked over the Who's and made lots of frowns.
"Don't you think we should wait and see who else shows?"
"Yesterday there were kings. There's no time. Let's just go."

The Who's all checked in, left their clothes by the door
And there was Snow White all spread out on the floor.
The cameras were ready, the key grips and lights
All and all it was truly a marvelous sight.
The first Who was big, his cock was immense.
The director said, "Man, it could hold up a fence."
But when it came time, and he heard the word, "action."
It suddenly shrank in a nervous reaction.

Who two was quite ready, that much can be said.
It was just one 'in out' before he did spout.
Who Three and Who Four were next at the station.
Snow White looked them over now with indignation.
"Boys, can we please have some real penetration?
Lost their wads then and there did Who Six and Who Seven
Three, Four, Eight, Nine, Ten. It was on to Eleven.
Now this Who was proud, he would not lose control
He erupted the moment she reached for his pole.
Who Twelve was a breeze, one hand did the job
While the other she used on her own little knob.
Thirteen was determined, he would not let her down
He said, "Listen baby, just you turn around."
With a roll of her eyes and a half-hearted grin
She groaned out, "Whatever, just put it in."
Who Thirteen went at it just as hard as he could.
"Yeah baby, how's that for some wood?"
Snow White said, "What's that? Didn't know you had started."
The director yelled, "Cut! This whole thing's retarded.
I should have known better, I just should have known.
I don't care what it costs, get me North on the phone."
And, just as he felt he was getting nowhere,
And almost about to give up in despair,
He suddenly burst through a door and that Mayor
Discovered one shirker! Quite hidden away
In the Fairfax Apartments (Apartment 12-J)
A very small, very small shirker named Jo-Jo
Was standing, just standing, and bouncing a Yo-Yo!
Not making a sound! Not a yipp! Not a chirp!
And the Mayor rushed inside and he grabbed the young twerp!
"That's right, we totally forgot about little Who 12a."
Now Who 12a was short, just three inches tall.
He was smoking out back when they came and got him.
"To the rescue. We need you. Come on little guy."
Now Who 12a was game. Didn't ask what or why.
Real heroes don't. Instead they just try.
Up up up Snow White's leg Who 12a he did climb
From her knee to her thigh—she was still on all fours.

Now Who 12a was short—you remember—I told you
But when he unzipped it, there was no more doubt.
It was huge, nine inches and pretty and stout.
For leverage he sprang from the walls like a rocket
Heading straight for Snow White and her waiting eight pocket.
"Oh my God, yes" and "More
More more more," she did say.
"I will claw your eyes out if you take him away."
They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain,
and they knew that Casey wouldn't let that ball go by again.
The sneer has fled from Casey's lip, the teeth are clenched in hate.
He pounds, with cruel violence, his bat upon the plate.
For the next fifteen minutes it was a sex clinic.
Snow White went to Dorothy and back in one minute.
And when it was over and time to back off it
Didn't ask for permission.
You don't ask. You just do it.
Shot his load on her back while she pouted and moaned.
There were cheers that erupted all over the room.
There were pats on the back and towels for all.
And amidst all the noise and jubilation
They could barely hear the one little voice.
In the back of the room next to camera two
Was one of the crew with a look on his face
That was nervous and scared. 'Twas a look of disgrace.
"Sir," he said. "What? This had better be good!"
"Sir," he said. "Uh-uh-um, there's no film."