The Elian Gonzales Channel - All Elian, All The Time

Note: The following events are in reverse chronological order, but since this _is_ America, you can read them in any direction you like. It's actually better if you start at the bottom.
6/24/00 Appeals court denies review of Elian case, future of this web page in serious trouble. (Slant)

6/20/00 Breaking News, Elian still in U.S. (AP Wire)

5/19/00 New computer email virus spreading. But Elian doesn't use email? (Yahoo)

4/28/00 Miami police chief resigns after Elian criticism, What a Cop-Out! (Yahoo)

4/28/00 Israeli prime minister, "We welcome our North Dakotan neighbors." (Gaza Gazette)

4/26/00 In order to make Elian feel more at home, the U.S. government announced today its plans to set up a life-sized replica of Cuba somewhere in North Dakota to be populated by roughly two-thirds of Cuba's population, which were granted emergency visas earlier this week. All current residents of North Dakota will be relocated to an undisclosed section of West Jerusalem. (Daily Croissant)

4/24/00 Americans have not lost interest in Elian. (Salon)

4/22/00 Feds Take Elian to Meet Father, Only Question Now: Will Americans Lose Interest? (Yahoo)

4/15/00 NASA researchers ask for $15 Billion budget increase for Elian research project. (The Joural)

4/14/00 Scientists at NASA claim to have discovered yet another way to pronounce the name Elian. Historians disagree. (The Journal)

2/17/16 Elian's celebrates his 21st birthday with relatives in Miami. Janet Reno, Jr. to make final decision on citizenship this week!

2/2/00 Nun Wants U.S. Citizenship for Elian. (Go News)

1/23/00 Elian grandmother No.2 diagnosed with chronic diverticulitis. A victory for the American health care system. (AMA Wire)

1/18/00 Ted Turner to launch the Elian Gonzalez channel. “All Elian, all the time!”

12/19/99 Elian Gonzalez apparently does not like broccoli or spinach. Farmers in Iowa voice concerns.

12/18/99 DNA testing underway to determine if Sammy Sosa is real father. What do the children back in Cuba have to say about Elian's experience?

T.S. Elian

12/18/99 Elian Gonzalez brushes his teeth 8:23 am

12/17/99 Elian Gonzalez gains 1 pound. Experts blame McDonalds.

12/16/99 Elian Gonzalez sees Simpsons for first time! Proof of neglect!

12/15/99 Eats snow cone in December. Only in America!

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