Tech NEWS: Detek Corp. Profits Soar on Kiss Detection Product
By John Gullet
NEW YORK -- Detek Corp. announced 500% year over year earnings,
resulting from the release and sale of its "spousal surveillance"
product, Detek Kiss Strips, in the second quarter.
Early skepticism over the accuracy of the Kiss Strips subsided in the
third quarter, said Detek marketing director Charles Boccichio in an
investor presentation this morning. "Consumers put us to the test, and
found we were loyal with our promise of a quality product."
Detek Kiss Strips utilize DNA-reading technology, previously used in
the field of genetic engineering and research, to determine whether
someone has recently shared saliva with another person. The product
was especially popular with religious conservatives in the U.S.
According to a Detek television spot, by placing one strip,
approximately 1/3 the size of a postage stamp, under the tongue of a
love interest for 10 seconds, buyers can see if their beloved suspect
has had more than one person's saliva in their mouth over the last 10
The strips change from white to blue, green, orange, or red,
with each color indicating an additional DNA-type.
Independent scientists from the Stanford University Institute for
Applied Genetic Sciences have extensively tested the Detek Kiss Strip
and found it achieves 90% accuracy at 8-10 hours, after which the
foreign DNA is too degraded for detection. Within 6 hours from a
suspected spit-swapping, the accuracy rate was as high as 97%.
The National Organization for Women, and the NAACP have issued a joint
statement expressing outrage at the product's pilot marketing slogan
"Think she's a ho? Find out fo sho." Detek CEO Michael Murhpy insists
the slogan was all in good humor. At today's investor meeting, he
dedicated 5% of next quarter's Kiss Strip profits to a fund that
establishes scholarships for women and African Americans at
prestigious North American schools.
Shares of Detek soared on the news, closing at $37.50 up from $31.00.