Dear Self-Made Critic (he used to have a web site),


I just wanted to send you this brief email to say how much I enjoyed reading your reviews. You are the first well-writing movie reviewer to pee on Gladiator, Crouching Tiger and Traffic, all in that order. I love your site like it were my own. In the words of Roger Waters, “I’ll no longer feel afraid on the way to the store, now that I’ve found somewhere safe to bury my bone.” Please interpret that however you like. I hope you don’t mind I took the liberty of thinking of a small improvement to your Pearl Harbor review. The second to last paragraph reads:


Harbor Pearl picks up 1 ˝ Babylons. Only the rather incredible pyrotechnic show saves this movie from the depths of a zero. However, the fact that it can rock for almost an hour and still get such a low score should show you just how excruciating the rest of the movie actually is.


It should read “Only the rather incredible pyrotechnic show saves this movie from a Mitsubishi zero.” I think this would preserve the flow and make you sound even more clever. Please feel free to use my suggestion, and it will remain entre-nous. Otherwise, I salute you and hope you will keep up the good work.

Love Anyway,