Negative Feedback - Starting With the Most Psychotic

The Palm, A Nice Restaurant

This valuable email was sent to us recently regarding our restaurant reviews. Here is the unabridged work itself followed by some brief notes regarding the translation.

From: [Reed1102@deleted] Save Address Block Sender (and miss more of this...are you kidding!)
To: Save Address
Subject: fuck yall read this
Date: Fri, 7 Jan 2000 02:03:41 EST

I guess i should have read the warning because i work in a restauraunt but fortunantly my establishment was not in your repituar so i guess you had nothing negative to say, thats a shame you would think that attention craved people like yourself would have had something to say about the palm a nice restauraunt with great food and service much like any of the other restauraunts you mentioned but obviously you have never been on the other side of the table because then you would have some respect for these people who work so hard to make you happy infact you have probly never worked a day in your life just play on the comuter that daddy bought you and go to school or something i looked at this site to get a review of the resauraunts in houston not a 100% critisism by some spoiled fuck who has never lifted a finger to make a dollar unless it was to dial daddies number and if you know anything about good food then i will see you at mais and for your dumb ass friend he should not have left his shity camera on the table I mean where are we this is houston so i guess we automaticlly blame it on the buss boy what an ignorant fuck any way in conclusion i would love to here from you so why dont you email me. 1/5/00

fortunantly - yes, very fortunant.

repituar - the one species that didn't appear on the released version of Jurassic Park, but can be seen, however, on the special director's cut to be released in April 2000. Repitaur...Red Guitar

restauraunt - how do you spell Oi Vei?

resauraunts - getting colder, Doc, colder!

critisism - yikes!

daddies - as in get them craw daddies off my leg.

Infact - implies even more emphasis than the conventional two-worded in fact.

probly - now, here, i must agree, this is the way it should be spelled.

comuter - probly an honest typo. We'll let it slid.

shity - How would you know it was a shity camera if it weren't, infact YOU who stole it! AHA!

buss boy - busboy n [omnibus (busboy)] (1913) : a waiter's assistant; specif : one who removes dirty dishes and resets tables in a restaurant and steals cameras whenever possible.

Best line: "then you would have some respect for these people who work so hard to make you happy"

Final Thoughts - From the Mouth of Babes
Although I must disagree with the notion that the main goal of most Houston restaurants is to “make me happy”, I must admit, he is absolutely right about my spoiled, attention-craved and generally flawed personality.

Reed's Revenge (Such Beautiful Anger)
Monday, January 24, 2000 5:15 PM
(no subject)

Maybe you should pay more attention to your typing/spelling : it's Kemah...not Keemah. You know. people who in live in glass houses...... idiot

House Favorite:

From: Reg
Date: Monday, October 25, 1999 7:20 PM
To: coldbacon
Subject: Mail From The Webpage

you suck. if the pappas restuarants are as bad as you say then how come they have such a high volume of customers. Especially return customers. think about it. - Reg 9/99
Hmmm...Yes, I see...

Email from none other than the great philosopher Plato himself.

Hi Coldbacon,

I know the top of your first page says that if you don't like it don't read it, or something to that effect, but I feel your appraisals to the restaurants you have reviewed are grossly skewed. I think you are very biased to the food you like and should not call your page The Truth About Houston Food, but something more like My Favorite Restaurants. If you don't care about being accurate that is fine, but I feel you are not being truthful to the public.

[rebuttal] (not the first time I've been corrected)

This one's a classic

I would just like to say that I cannot believe the enormous amount of research that was put in to the coffee shop selections. I could have gotten more out of a god damned travel guide. Go on back to starbucks and eat the same whole foods pastry's as you would at Diedrich, Empire, and Brazil. Anyway, there are four shots of espresso in a large latte at Diedrich. Eight ounces of espresso to be exact, whereas starbucks has only four ounces of espresso. So go home to Charbucks where to coffee is burnt and weak.

Thank you
Diedrich Coffee (montrose) Fan

Another good one
Name: Kay
Subject: Cafe Montrose

In response to the cad who reviewed Cafe Montrose, it happens to be a not only a good restaurant, but a very authentic French/Belgian cafe. The food is just as it should be with the proper proportions and the beer costs as it does because it's imported beer, not the watered down urine with which he's familiar. To argue that this is anything but a good cafe is ridiculous. It has a lovely ambience from the decor to the funny Belgian music, not excluding the owner who is a sweetheart. Perhaps the reviewer should return, looking for a cultured meal and not a quick and easy way to get drunk.
My Response
Yes, you caught me. I just wanted a quick and easy way to get drunk, and somehow, I ended up writing a review of the restaurant instead. Weird. In response to your comments, all I can do is refer you to back to my review, which is still correct. Listen, when there's a Mannequin Pis five blocks from your place, you can charge whatever you want, but otherwise, you've got to come down a little.
More on Cafe Montrose
Cafe montrose is very good, but it is NOT authentic. It is also a very good way to get drunk if you order the house wine by the bottle - very good quality (for house wine), and surprisingly inexpensive. You get a full bottle for the price of 2 beers. - Geoff 10/00

This could almost be in the second opinions page, but anything written in all caps has to go to the psychotic feedback section. But in response to your insightful email. Let's see if I understand. The meal at Ruppe's AND the wine list are both GRRRRREAT, and his spring rolls taste better than Frosted Flakes. You'll make a special trip to Houston. Tony Ruppe is charming and won a talent show back in high school. And I need to see a doctor about the chip in my shoulder. Thanks for the great information and especially for the tip on McDonald's. How did you ever know I was looking for cheap?

Ongoing Debate Over Whether This Page Sucks
Who does this food critic think they are?? Is this suppose to be a true evaluation of Houston's restaurants for diners to use as tool or a forum for the "critic" to use to air a negative opinion on almost every restaurant on the list??

I've been in the restaurant business for 20 years in every aspect of the business from waiter to chef to general manager ( and no, my restaurants were never reviewed by the "expert" in question ). Far to often have I seen people who have virtually no culinary experience or knowledge try to make themselves appear as something they are not by critizing something they have little understanding of, only to make themselves look foolish. I'm afraid this is the case with our "expert". Are we to believe that a majority of our great city's restaurants are sub-par at best??

My advice - have this "expert" actually work in a restaurant for a while or find someone who has. 2/00

Rebuttal from JG
My advice? Get a grip on yourself, get OVER the opinions of restaurants written by a sharp writer with a quick wit, and get your own ass in gear doing something half as productive! As many bad restaurants as there are in Houston, you surely have your work cut out for you. So quick fucking around here and get after it man!

John Galt 12/00

Comments from Ned Thorn. Who is Ned Thorn?
> Hilarious website. Very well put together and great links. I laughed, I
> cried, it was an emotional roller coaster. Now go get a real job so that any
> entree over $10.00 doesn't give you heartburn. You seem to know as much
> about food and restaurants as a person who can tell time knows about how to
> build a watch. Enjoyed the site.
My reply:

thanks for your comments - you obviously own a restaurant - also i do have a real job - okay no i don't - but the only thing that gives me heartburn is mike's hard lemonade - that stuff is pure acid!

Positive Feedback - Does Anyone Really Want to Read Positive Feedback?
From a reader in Kemah (not Keemah)

...I think you are doing a fine job, ive been to some of these so called restaurants and have been greatly disapointed, I wish i found your web site sooner, could have saved myself a lot of pain. thanks again!!

From Geoff, who may or may not be from Keemah, he didn't say.


The reviews are quite accurate. This is the first set of reviews that I have broadly agreed with. I thought I was alone in my approval/disapproval of several "rated" restaurants in Houston. OK, I may just have the same taste as the review author, I don't know, but I view this site as a good indicator of taste.

The only thing I have a problem with is the lack of wine list reviews. That is something that needs serious attention in Houston.

From Some People

I enjoyed your restaurant reviews, though I disagree with a number of them. However your page should be titled, "Reviews of Restaurants Inside the Loop". You seldom venture outside. Hey, there's plenty of places to trash on the west side too! Equal time!
David & Elaine Ricci

A First Time For Everything
I am traveling to Houston for the first time and I have to say that I am completely amused by your colorful reviews. I also find is entertaining that so many people have no sense of humor and way too much insecurity...after all who really cares what you say. KTB 10/00

Yeah, who really cares what I sayŚwait a minute
From Don R
I'm heading to Houston in a couple months, and will definitely use your sardonic and lucid web page as a guide! You are a cynic, and clearly know bad food when you see it. Thanks a million.

Don R.
From Don R (again)
The problem is that I'm from Washington DC, and we have plenty of good restaurants up here (some worth the price, and some not). This is why I'm almost tempted to go the "burger and a beer" or barbeque route while in Houston rather than seeking out the "fine dining" places which are likely to disappoint (highly praised by *whom*?!).

Decisions, decisions...

But we're not going until February so I have time to decide.

Take care, and thanks again for such a wonderful site - I will indeed throw in my input.

From T

Dear Mr. C. Bacon,

I do not know who you are, but I think that you are a scream. We should befriends. I have many of the same opinions of restaurants in Houston, though perhaps my thoughts are more trenchant and less spoken, as I own ________ , surely one day to be a victim to your wit and insight. At least I appreciate your ability to recognize food from hype and to call a spade a spade. I may not agree with your decision, but I applaud your passion. Keep up the work. Like art, it does not matter if people agree or like it, as long as they talk about it and it makes them think. Most people are sheep. I have no use for a flock! 12/01


From Karen M

Dear Mr. C. Bacon,

I have to tell you that I found your website by typing in "Houston jobs." Don't know why it pulled up yours. Your entire web site is clever and well done. I was trying not to laugh too loud in my office. Frankly, I agree with your assessment of the Houston restaurant situation. I lived in the City of Chicago for 15 years and found it difficult to find a bad meal. I have also lived in Savannah and New Orleans, plenty of good meals were to be found in both places. When people here tell me that Houston has "great" (usually spoken with huge emphasis like GREAT!!!) restaurants, on a par with the rest of the country, I just have to laugh. My husband and I have tried virtually every restaurant in the city and have found one we like on a consistent basis, Brennan's. Of course one of my favorites is Commander's Palace in New Orleans. Obviously, our taste is very different from the typical consumer. We have been astounded by the number of people thronging places like the Pappas restaurants, which typically serve less than average food for an above average price. I have found that most people rate the restaurant "good" if it serves oversized portions of fried stuff. I busted a gut laughing about the Joe's Crab Shack comments. We do happen to be acquainted with the owners because our children went to school together. I would never tell the Fertittas that although they have some of the most popular restaurants I've ever seen that the food is awful and the service not much better. My husband and I have never been able to get over the fact that anyone can open a restaurant and serve anything that passes for food these days and people will not only come and pay for it, they will come in droves. Its beyond me that people actually pay for these culinary experiences. Kudos to your web site. I will continue to search it for recommendations of good restaurants. Your dry wit and humorous responses to those who "write in" really make my day. 1/01

The best email I ever got was...

Date: Sunday, February 04, 2001 9:09 PM
Subject: I need an address

Can u give me the Address for the Churrasco's on Westimer