I like what you've done with the paragraph that starts out 'I wrote you a letter.. 'Response:
The literary part I think is doing what you want it to in places. It seems to me to work up until 'I imagined this site was the set for some new Bugs Bunny cartoon.' From here to the end - first, needs to be its own paragraph. But also, it's a little dizzying.. it kind of comes at you too fired up, like every sentence is its own little projectile. I think if you just think about the tone and try to blend it in with the rest of the literary addition.
What do you think about how it goes with the previous part of the letter? It's a departure - which might be okay - if you want it to be obvious. I'm not sure how it wouldn't be obvious, actually - since the first part is pretty much standard fan letter and this is a takeoff into imagination - But just to be aware that it's a jolt -
what if i were to couch the take-off bit in some other way - i mean change the color of the background - i agree it's a different tone - but i can't throw it away? and i do want people to read it in the same context - maybe some proper couching will solve the problem? murder is never a solution.
Chuck Jones Home