person one: i have problems
person two: it's not fair. i want problems too.
person one: don't worry, you've got problems of your own.

person one: my kitchen appliance is a house
person two: your house is a kitchen appliance
person one: whatever

[cut to scene where someone is talking to someone else about making a comeback]

"...for my comeback, I would like a mostly green background with some red circles in the corner and a yellow line about 2/3 of the way up going across, made to look like ____ . That would be good. And I want cheering noise.

A special article. How special?

[cut to interview situation like on the Daily Show with the 'Five Questions' segment, voice being rapid-fire, serious, questioning tone]


Q: Name you would have if you were French?
A: Ghislaine.
Q: German?
A: Helmut Kohl
Q: Thatís a person! You canít be another person! Just give us a first name.
A: No, my name would be Helmut Kohl.
Q: Look, you canít be Helmut Kohl. There already is a Helmut Kohl.
A: I donít care.
Q: Oh godó

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