In a letter to be sent to each student on campus next week the administration has set up a new set of ground rules for the use of the display case in Baxter Hall.. The new regulations are in response to the dissatisfaction expressed by many students about the way the case is currently used. We have obtained a copy of the letter and herein provide a summary of the important parts. The letter states that there shall be no display in Baxter Hall which does not include the following:
- a verbal reference to the volleyball team, as well as two volleyballs and one volleyball jersey.
- one pitiful looking baby seal about to be clubbed to death.
- at least one nice comment about each student on campus.
- one pair of Superman Underoos.
- several inquisitive squirrels.
- also, in a bit of a surprise decision, the administration has declared that 'in every display, there shall be at least one picture of a girl with large breasts.' This stipulation is apparently a silent concession to a silent majority.
There are also new rules regarding the post-it wars that go on during each display. In an attempt to create a more enlightened campus, the word 'suck' will no longer be allowed ('this sucks', 'you suck'). However, 'sucky' is still allowed ('your ideas are sucky'). The dean that has been leaving those messages about running nude onto stage during next Fall's production of 'Who Married A Sailor This Time?' will no longer be allowed to do so, as it is undignified. On a more encouraging note, death threats will still be allowed, as long as they are followed by the phrase 'only kidding.'