About Us

As of November 2005, Cold Bacon was produced using a Falcon Northwest with way more RAM than I need and a Sony G520 21” CRT, which weighs 70 lbs and would crush me to death if it were to lurch forward off the desk. Images were scanned using whatever scanner I have. Flash was haphazardly made using Adobe LiveMotion 2.0, which is no longer supported by Adobe, because they suck and I’ll never forgive them for this. Digital video might be edited with Adobe Premiere Pro, and I will kill the next person who mentions Final Cut Pro. Photography was simulated with a Canon G3 but now I know I should not take pictures. Audio effects and unauthorized recordings of my friends’ voices were made with a cheap little Sony digital dictaphone which I can’t find anymore (so I stopped doing that). My voice is worse than two Bob Dylans. Which is why you’ll never hear it.

I connect to the world using a cablemodem provided by whoever for a mere $6500 a month. The site and its multitude of sub-domains, which you may or may not know about—hell I don’t even remember half of them anymore, are hosted by “who cares” and “network bla bla.” I give to the tune of about $50/month and use way too many gigs to be called a responsible person. I indulge my narcissism with the latest version of stats4obsessivefreaks, which you probably know about too. I court rejection regularly with the latest version of email ™ .

Risotto is made using a wooden spoon and an old enameled cast-iron pot, which is kind of like a Le Creuset you would get at Williams-Sonoma (you, not me). Climax is achieved by using an up and down motion for what used to be several minutes, or by adding a grating of reggiano just when the risotto is almost done.


I enclose Trumpington's cheque for twenty pounds. I am glad that my dealings with him are at an end. I cannot pretend to understand your attitude in this matter, but no doubt you are the best judge.

Stiggins is reading a paper to the O.S.C.U. on 'Sex Repression and Religious Experience.' Everyone expects rather a row, because you know how keen Walton is on the mystical element, which I think Stiggins is inclined to discount.